N.S. Sibanda

I’ve decided to make everything really easy for myself

Peer pressure has already mapped out the appropriate performative self-deprecation in penance
For my refusal to grind myself against the four walls around me
For buying what I want because I can’t afford what I need
For ignoring the carefully curated cudgel of your concern

For disregarding the barely disguised disgust behind the guise of guidance:

To tend to the infrastructure while I wither
To let my rooms knead me, fold me in on myself, stretch out the fraying edges of my time until I can’t expand or rise
To put my pills in organised piles to rifle through and then re-organise
To put my sunglasses into the cupboard with the other sunglasses so when my eyes pick up every glimmer of light as a searing supernova and I need my sunglasses I have to go to the cupboard with the other sunglasses which is hard to do when I can barely see because I need sunglasses
To put my headphones away even though … you know
To eat in the kitchen instead of in bed because suffering and morality are synonyms and how will I know my spine will feel like I’m being spaghettified when I haven’t even tried

I prefer to peer over the rolling hills of my soft pillow,
Survey the skyline of nearly everything I need within arms reach
And live